So, as life would have it, I have finished school, passed my state exams, and am on my way to becoming an LMT. I am so proud of myself for accomplishing something so big (to me). I need to remind myself and stay strong.
A new path means new transformations and new everything really. I know I have been wishy washy with what I think I want. Today I had a lot of triggers, a lot of unwanted “things” and I felt horrible and yea today was an awakening day for me to say the least. How can I be a person that people want to heal them if I’m still struggling on working on me. The good thing is I am able to turn it off when I work on others – it’s strange, but maybe that’s why I love it so much is because of my ability to “turn it off” when I’m creating space for someone. I love creating that space for them.
So if you have actually been following me, you will know that I have a past ED. Well today, as it would go an old friend from Hugh School reconnected with me and when I saw her, it was like her energy was scrambled, like I couldn’t look into her eyes, but i don’t know if that was my “uneasiness” about being around her – i didn’t recognize her bc she was SO skinny. Granted she’s taller than me so it’s easy to look super super skinny, then she starts talking to me about her diet, like shes ready to change out of her “not eating ways” but said it very nonchalantly, like 8 years will come crashing down of her ED (i saw signs of it in high school) and she’ll be able to change her habits by changing to a vegan diet… she asked me what I ate all the time… I couldn’t answer… i couldn’t even answer to myself, like hey that’s what I ate today… I am refocusing my mind towards food. Food is good. Food is nourishing. I am not glutteness. I am healthy. I am strong.
My problem is (and has been for a long time) that i think the number on the scale is the best thing for me… I just really want to be healthy and happy. for some reason I am unable to feel happy when I feel like I weigh so much. I’m not overweight, i’m not “fat” I’m just not super skinny. I would like to go through a new journey. A journey through self-realization through my poor (soon to be good) eating habits.
I want to go on a spiritual meditation journey to allow myself healing through the body. I need to get massages/bodywork 2x a month and get better understanding of myself ❤
Like most people I make excuses for things for fear of judgement, fear of rejection. I dont eat meat, dairy, or eggs. I’m vegan (but I eat honey). how much more judgemental can people get with me? lol That’s a lot to make fun of someone for yet here I am stuffing my face with the “unhealthy” vegan items. Did you know oreos are technically vegan? thats right look on the back, there is no milk or eggs in them… but i digress. my goal is to become more health/food conscious in a positive uplifting and rejuvenating way. It all starts right MEOW!