Repeats

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So if no one has figured it out already, I’m on an emotional roller coaster… Recovering from EDNOS (which idk that I ever can get over), major depressive disorder, anxiety, PTSD, BPD and whatever else they tell me. But I refuse to live by these titles and have them own my life. What happened in the past hurt me and the experiences give me these titles, but yielding to these titles instead of embracing them and learning about them only forces me down a deeper hole that has not been dug yet.

So instead of hiding behind these titles, I’m going to learn about them, find THEIR weaknesses, not mine, so I can defeat them. Although this is easy to write, as my followers can see it’s not easily done. But I still stand here before you and I’m still alive! I’m still battling these demonic titles that plague to hinder me from reality. Yes BPD isn’t something I can “just get over” I am aware of that, however I will continued to grow in wisdom and see what patterns there are in others with it and my own so I can learn to take control when my mind wants to do something that is not of sound health for me, myself and I.

If any of you suffer from BPD I recommend the book “I hate you, don’t leave me” I’m only in the beginning but it gives you an idea about what people go through.

For example, there was a girl who complained about feeling like having a heart attack… She went to the hospital to find nothing. They could only pin it down to major anxiety issuses. Not 2 months before I picked up the book the SAME EXACT thing happened to me. But I was also recently diagnosed with asthma but I had felt these “chest pains” for as long as I can remember. It just got so bad to the point where I couldn’t move very well and the obvious sign of pain shooting down my arm was a sign to go to the hospital only to find they thought I was crazy. Everything was fine, blood work, X-ray, the whole shabang…. Normal… Cause=anxiety.

I found this new thing I want to try it’s called binaural beats. Here’s a link if your curious

http://www.collective-evolution.com/2013/10/15/how-to-get-high-without-drugs/

You use it as meditation techniques for the minds that never rest (aka mine) so I’m going to try this tomorrow. I just need to get some good headphones to work with it.

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