Should I wait? Will I ever get better?


I know in my last blog I wrote all kinds of positive things but after my best friend got a bf, my husband (soon to be ex ) left for 3 weeks, I got into a fight with my family I just can’t handle this life. Yes I’m suicidal but I don’t have a safe place for my dogs. No one will be here for another 3 weeks they can’t live without someone to feed and water them. I’m debating on taking them to my moms but that’s a large burden for her be she is handicapped… 2 large over active dogs are hard as it is on a normal person. I just don’t know what to do with my life right now. No one is hiring me, I have No support. I know I should be strong on my own but I have nothing left in me to fight this. I’m going down

So the question is should I wait for these feelings to pass? Will they ever pass because I feel the same way I did on the night of my last attempt. I’m trying to do the right thing but is it the right thing for people who love me (family and the very few friends I have) but I don’t feel like they truly do, if they did why don’t I feel like I can call them right now? Why is it so hard for me to love myself? I can see what it might be like but I just can’t get there. Will I ever get there? Will I ever feel love enough for myself from myself to be loved by some else?

I can’t even watch movies or read a book to get my mind off of it because they have friends or family or they’re strong in their journey. I feel so pathetic, like a stupid failure. I know it says failure is success on the way. But I just can’t see myself ever succeeding I can’t even imagine it… I will still feel this way even when I do succeed at something because I still don’t love myself. I have no self-respect…

And I hate myself for feeling this way because I should be stronger…


2 thoughts on “Should I wait? Will I ever get better?

  1. You are strong. More than you know. Living a life with mental illness takes the strongest of people. I know it doesn’t feel that way. It’s hard when our journey takes us down the darkest of paths where we feel so worthless. But. It can and will get better.

    Throw yourself into loving and spending time with your dogs. Take them for walks just to get yourself outside. It will be good for all of you. (I know it helps me to go for a walk with my dog when I start feeling really bad).

    *hugs* Keep your head up sweetie. You are strong.

    • Thank you! And I took my dogs to the park today (well yesterday lol) I do need to spend more time with them it’s hard with two so it becomes frustrating but I’m thinking that I’ll take one in the morning and one in the evening. But since I’m divorcing I will only have one so I need to spend as much time as I can with my other baby… Sigh I will get through 🙂

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